How do we deal with evil!!

I just read this story and it really got me to thinking about how we react to the obvious presence of Evil. Now I can go into what I mean by evil, the Devil, the lack of morality and all that. I think that is why reactions to it are so crazy in Today's world. So many people have tried to define evil for us that it has been watered down and weakened in peoples minds. We wonder if it even exists. We say that people are weak. Her we have a father that shot his son to death. The tragedy of this story alone is amazing, but the deep meanings are ones to live our lives on.
What can make a father kill his own child? Why was this child molesting other children? How can a mother stand by and watch her child be killed? how can a mother not know that this man was capable of shooting his child? What are all the things that lead to this tragic final scene?
There will be many psychologists, counselors, religious leaders and sociologists that will weigh in on a matter like this. Many regular folks will have sleepless nights and arguments in bars about it. There will be advocates left and right that will claim that it proves what they have been seeing for years. We will be pulled in many directions. Politicians will claim that they can end situations like this if we elect them. MADD will claim that drinking and driving was behind this. If not for the IRAQ war young men would not be dying in the streets in this way. My ex wife is an example of this type of crazy. My ex husband tried to kill me this way. All of our own emotions and thoughts will be tested and challenged. We will go into a state of fear over what is becoming of our society. There will be widespread panic and murder and mayhem. Sons will shoot their fathers because I better get him before he gets me.
I know that you think I am crazy right now. The thing is that is our reaction. And the reaction of the EVIL one that caused all of this is to sit back and laugh and say "I have got them right where I want them!!" So think about it. Let's stop letting the Evil rule our lives!!

Am I crazy?

I look around and I see a world that is filled with many great advancements. Right now I am sitting and typing and there are millions of people that will be able to peer into my little world in a matter of seconds. (that is some scary stuff). We have email, text messages, IM, video messaging, cars that talk back and all kinds of conveniences. But yet we seem to be the most miserable people of all time. Let someones Internet go down and you think they just contracted the black plague. With all of this we have lost our ability to communicate. It becomes a battle for us to say the simplest things to someone face to face. We hide behind our technology. We BS our way through a topic that is controversial because we are able to hide our eyes and mannerisms from a distance. We spend so much time surfing and browsing. I love my Facebook friends, but once a week I need to get together with them and have a laugh or a cry in person.
Our closest relationships are the greatest. We text to our special ones and say I luv u but we rarely hold them close and say I LOVE YOU! We rarely think about how much touch really means. We read quick blogs about the best ways to please our partners, but we rarely listen to what they are asking us for. We spend so much time seeking that perfect phone, that great computer, yet we are lost when it comes to finding a person to really connect with.
How many of us truly feel loved and appreciated? How many of us wonder if we really matter to others for more than just moments in time? Each day to you wake and wonder if you will finally feel that special something, that feeling of everlasting peace and joy? Do we seek it in the wrong things? The new gadget or gift. I have many people that I am close to, many that I call friend. But at times this world leaves me disconnected. Often times it seems that I am unable to just take the time to say hi and give them a hug. It is nice to have a friend that pokes me, but do I have friends that will hold me as tears stream down my cheek? Have I lost myself in a world of bits and bytes and not one of hugs and handshakes?
Maybe I have become afraid of real friendship? Afraid to let the world see that I am just a human, filled with doubt and fear. I have faith and that strength helps me through, but at times I fear life more than death, the beginning more than the Judgement at the end. I know it sounds crazy and some will say O ye of little faith, but how strong is your faith, let he that is without doubt cast the first stone. The world moves fast yet it slowly moves by my window, the flowers take months to grow and they are gone in an instant. Love seems to bloom in a moment and boom it is gone, or are we all lost in Lust, the momentary rush and boom on to the next one. I have a friend that I has been close to me for most of my life, I don't see him much because I am too busy, but I know that I love him as my brother, time ages us, but with him I am forever five years old. That is the bond of friendship, that is the bond of love. I have people that I have had relationships with and I love them and even though we are apart, they are forever in my heart. I am connected to this world through an Internet of shared hopes and dreams, I am wired to you all though networks of pains and tears. I am bonded by LOVE and forever you will be saved on the hard drive of my heart.

Blessed

Well another holiday has come and gone. A day that brought highs and lows and I ponder life today. I have been blessed with awesome children. They are intelligent and beautiful and healthy. They are the angels sent from God to keep me from going postal on the world. Each day I ask myself, Self why are you here, then I see them and realize that for all the trials and turmoil I have blessings greater than anything else. So I march on with no clear path, with no real reasons. But I know that if I continue to teach and to nurture that fruit will bare and that the world will be a better place. It takes a village they say, what are the values that your village represents? Have a great day friends!!!

DO ME BABY!!

I am walking along thinking of all the directions that life has lead me in. It is funny at times that I get mad because I have not led that stable life that so many people crave. I have had ups and downs and been in all types of situations. I have dealt face to face with the devil in many forms and God has brought me through each time. That makes me no better or no worse than the next person. That is just the life that God choice for me. He decided that I needed a life that was filled with various challenges. I knew that I needed to have all these lessons to build me towards His purpose for me. I have spent my life in search of purpose. I have come to realize that my life and your life are very uniquely different. I can do almost all the same things that you do yet God has given me a totally different perspective on it. There is no way for me to be you. There is no way for me to do you so I must do me and allow you to do you. What I like is what I like, if I listen to Hip Hop and wear my pants low you may see me as a thug, a criminal, yet I may go and write software at a major corporation and live in the suburbs. I may like a little reggaeton and live out in the country far away from any island hood. One day I may listen to Alicia keys and the next it may be Mettalica or Luda. So what does this say, that my experiences have given me a variety of tastes. That my reality and what I feel is based on what is deep within me. I have been given these experience to allow me to accept and understand others and their experience. Not so that I can feel better than, not so that I can point the finger and say you are less than. in the end we are all imperfect and need the Blood of Christ to save our souls. For many years I have hidden myself away from the world. Lacking the courage to come out and say that I have failed. i did not realize the training that was going on all that time. I did not see how much I was being taught about this world's imperfections and that mine were no different from other peoples. Each day I look in the mirror and I say that you can be a stronger man, that you can be a better man, I used to think that this was my flaw, that I did not accept that I am not king of the world. Then I realized that if I allow myself to think small I shall be small, but if I dream big and have faith then the world is mine. This has been promised me by my Father and often times I guess that I forget that if he wants to give me this world then it is his choice and I can not fight what he places in my heart. So today I promise to do MY best and to let you do YOUR best. I beg of you to reach for the blessings that you have been given and use them as your spirit directs you....

Where's the Love

I have many friends that are telling me that I should write. They say that I have some inspiring thoughts. All I can say to them is thank you and thank God for allowing me to put words together at times that make sense. The big problem for me is that I am not sure what to write about many times. I have so many thoughts running through my head and I often lose my focus. So I dig deeper to see what if anything that my thoughts have in common. Then I realize that it is love. Love is a common theme for me. I feel as though that is the key to life here on this planet.
Love is a tricky subject and therefore it takes on so many meanings. Love from God and for Him. Love of family and friends. Love for oneself and that special someone. At times I will be talking about each one. They have some great things in common and some things that are so different that it will be hard to realize that it is the same word. I hope to spread love to all that are willing to accept it into their lives. For the moment that you are with me a read something that I write know that I love you and hope that life brings to you all that you dream of. At times it may seem that I can not have love in my heart because something I say is not real loving, that is when love is at its strongest, when we challenge the world to be a better place. There are so many challenge that we face, but there is so much that we have to be thankful for, think, if you are reading this then you have access to the net. It is great, life is good now if you look for the good. So since we have the freedom to do so, let us love and discuss love!

Who do you answer to??

Every time that I sit down to write I try and think who my desired audience is. I think about why I am writing what I am and how will it affect how people view me. That is the error of my ways when it comes to life and my writing. i have a passion to put my words and thoughts out there. it is therapeutic for me to lets some of this shit out. It makes me feel good. If it has an effect on those that happen to read it then great, but it is for me to understand this world and life that God has given to me. You see the problem is that you have not experienced all of the things that I have. Even if I had a twin that has done and seen many of the things that I have, there would still be a difference in how those experiences affected the two of us. We are all unique creatures that have different views and feelings on all subjects. For anyone to say that my thoughts are wrong, that is just not the way that America was built. Does there have to be some consensus, of course if not you will have chaos, but today we have chaos because people not only want to voice there opinion, but they demand that everyone agree with them. That is just way too unrealistic.
So when I sit and type my thoughts I have to realize that I am really just writing for me. It is the therapeutic release that I use to help me get along in life. If someone else finds it entertaining or thought provoking it is an added bonus, but ultimately this life is all about me. My legacy is mine to create, my happiness is mine to achieve. In my writing I try to remind myself of the things that I am allowing to steal my joy. when I speak to others I try to point out how situations have affected me. It may come across as me telling them how to live or how to be, however this is all about my experiences. Is it arrogant of me to think so selfishly? I think not. I believe that it is the way we are all built. It is along the lines of to love others one must love themselves. To truly write to others one must be able to write to themselves. I hope that in writing to me I learn more about me and live a more fulfilling and joyous life.

Expectations VS. Blessings

I just finished reading an article about abundance and what that meant to the writer. It is an interesting thing when you look at life from a more spiritual standpoint. I often find myself challenged to find the blessings in my life. I often realize that the challenge comes from my own personal expectations of things. You see I expected to grow old with my wife and children by my side. The fact that this is not the case is truly troubling to me. However I am blessed to have great children that love me and that I love and spend time with on a regular basis. I expected to have a great career and be king of the job world. However I am blessed that in these chaotic economic times that I have a place to go each day and enough money to feed those that I am responsible for. I expected to drive a fancy car and live in a big house. Once again I am blessed because I am not out in the cold and my car gets me where I need to be. Last night I had nightmares of love lost and the pain of dealing with it. I expected that I could turn off my emotions and move on with my life, However I realize that I am blessed to be able to feel emotions like pain, and loss. I realize that if there is no pain for a lost love, then there was never any love. i realize that God has a plan for me that involves me facing the pain and learning from it. I realize that it is a blessing to have loved and lost. I also realize that as I grow the true blessing comes in being able to wake up each day and give it another shot. At times I will fail, at times I will have victory, but at all times I am blessed because I have the opportunity to keep trying.
Love to all.

The object is to Let go and Let God

I spent some time around the rooms of AA. That is a different story yet to be told. However when you are in those rooms there are things that are said that stick with you. One saying that always has stuck with me is Let go and Let God. the theory is that you must let go of a problem and leave it in the hands of your higher power. Hopefully I do not have to go into the higher power concept for now, is simply deep. Back to my point about letting go. Each morning I get up and pray to God to take care of certain situations for me. I talk about how I have no power over others and that I am unable to handle this situation or that. Each day I ask God to be in control of my life. I ask him to guide me and to direct me. I then go downstairs get my coffee and grab the steering wheel out of God's hands and go crashing into a tree.
That is the whole story of my life. That is the story of so many of our lives. Is it lack of faith? Do I doubt that God exists? When I walk outside and see the beauty of nature. When I hear that voice that is constant in my heart and soul, I do not doubt that there is a creator that has made the heavens and earth. I see that there is something that is much greater than any man ever could be. I have great faith that God is real. So why do I grab that wheel each day when I know what is going to happen? Do I have a short-circuit in my wiring that does not allow me to get out of my own way? Am I living in fear of failure, or do I fear success? What does happiness look like, has it been so far from me that I am afraid of it?
Now I have asked all these questions and not answered anything for you. I do not know what letting go and letting God looks like, I know what it does not look like. It does not look like spending all your time trying to convince others how great you are. It does not look like trying to be someone else that you think that a certain person will like. It is not trying to be all things for all people. That is trying to control your destiny. That is trying to drive yourself where you want to be and it is n ot letting God take control of where you are going. I am scared of that to some extent. I know that I have not felt great joy with where I have been and I know that there is great joy in where God wants me to go. I know that in loving God and allowing him to use me in his way will free me. I just have to Let go and Let God.

Gaining new perspective

I have learned some valuable lessons the last few days. I have learned what really matters to me in my life. I have come to realize the blessings that I have. I just turnned 41 yesterday and I spent most of the day alone. At first I blamed myself for not being good enough to others and that is why I was alone. I had wronged people and pushed them away, then I realized that I was not to blame for others not being around. You can only do so much. You can only meet people halfway and I have spent my life going the distance.
The real problem for me is that I have not gone the distance when it matters the most. I have not allowed my life to be a shining beacon to others. I have not used my talents to glorify the one that gave them to me. I have hid myself from the world because I felt as though I was not worthy. I have allowed bitterness and resentment to rule the day. I appologize for that. In the future in this space I shall challenge myself to be inspirational. To show that no matter what the system may throw at you that God is good and he shall help you to achieve everything that your heart desires if it is for the good of mankind. Thank you for your time and God Bless.

A little Something

Often times there are many thoughts that are running through my mind. I was raised in a community that was not that diverse. As a young black male I spent my entire youth trying to fit in. Most of my friends were a lot lighter than me. I was listening to music and living life in a way that created in me a history that was not very kind to the Negro race. I was taught to think that my own race was bad. I believed that for many years even though I could never admit it as a young man. I believed the reason that many young black males end up in prison or dead on the streets was due to a lack of personal responsibility. I believed that if you just fell into line and did things the way that everyone else did them then you would never have any of the issues that these men were having. However as I have gotten older I have realized how wrong I was on so many levels.
I spoke to a friend on Facebook the other day that I realized is an absolutely beautiful woman. We went to school together and when we were there I thought she was cute, but she was not my kind of girl.( I was confused that my view of beauty did not fit in with what society said was beautiful.) We talked about our lives a little and I realized that as adults we were still searching for our place in the world. I think a lot of this comes from being black in and mostly white community. You never learn to value who you are and what you have to offer the world. My mother and father never treated me as less than. They tried not to talk too much about "the man" or anything like that. They taught us to work hard and study hard and to dream big. The problem was that when I walked out of my house I was the black kid that was OK at best. "you are not like the rest so you are OK." My best friends uncle had a dog that did not like black kids, it was said that it was teased by black kids and that is why it was like that. I accepted this as normal. There are hundreds more stories, some more in your face and some more subtle.
So why do I talk about this as a 40 year old adult, because I have two young sons that I don't want to have to deal with this lack of self-esteem as adults. We try to act as if we have progressed in our society. But we are still way behind the game. The mothers of my children think I am racist or angry. I am angry, but more so I am concerned about my sons. I want them to feel that they have great value in this world and that they truly can be all they desire. I know that they can excel along with other kids in any environment, but I don't want them to feel that they have to work three times as hard as the next guy. That is not EQUALITY!!! And that is what they need to know. People today are a bit clueless about the affects of race in America. We are trying to be better yet we have so far to go. There are still too many black men being shot for being black, we have white people and black people doing it because none of us has placed any value on black men. If you try to be something other than what you are there is a chance that you will be accepted and therefor e you may survive this genocide. I never question the blackness of anyone, However is Barack Obama president because of who he is or because of how bad George W. Bush was as president. I mean you had to be really messed up in the head to take a risk on the McCain/Palin ticket. So his presidency says more about what we don't accept than what we do.
I want to stop apologizing to the world for trying to be a strong black male. I want to stop apologizing for putting family before work. For trying to teach my boys and my daughter to be proud of who they are and to be strong black citizens. Why not just citizens, because they are more than that. They are a people that have been placed into a second class situation and they deserve to be more than that. They are not tokens of our growth as a people. They are a gift from God. They are strength and hope. They are a blessing to this world. If I have to spend my entire life fighting the system, how can I find time to find the cure for cancer. If I am not appreciated how can my voice be heard. Let's get real people. We spend so much time worrying about what does not matter and no time trying to solve the issues that are causing those problems.
One of the most unfortunate things that I have to deal with on a consistent basis is that I have to often chose between being with my kids and showing them how to survive in this world. We have become so materialistic that having a loving home means that it has to be big and expensive. We have placed things over people. We always use excuses like I work to provide all the things that my kids need. We work so that we can have that car or that house that will make us look good to others. Don't like it too bad it is the truth. We do not value family, people, true love. It's all about the Benjamins folks and that is going to be our downfall. The economy is in chaos and that matters more to people than the fact that our youth is being corrupted by a love of money, things and status. We are killing each other to gain stuff. We are killing ourselves to gain stuff. Relationships that break up over money obviously are not built on unconditional love. I drive a beat up old car and I get no love from this world. Does it matter that I am a loving father and though I am not perfect I try to be loving to my partner. Nope does not matter, it is all about what can I provide for my partner. If i was the same man with money many people would see me as ideal. So money makes the man I guess. At the end of the day I get so frustrated with the lack of people being able to be honest with themselves and others. I fall into this trap myself and it causes me much stress. It is the primary source of stress that I have. My deepest desire is to love and be loved for who I am. God has placed me here for a purpose. That purpose may never make me rich or famous. That purpose at times seems the opposite. It seems as if I am a foot soldier. But foot soldiers are necessary for the Lord to achieve his goals.
All I ask is for us all to look at how we perceive things. When I look in the mirror am I proud of who I am? Do I see someone of value or am I trying to be something that I am not. I want my children to love who they are. I no longer desire to question my motives. (I will continue to look at them and adjust them to a higher purpose). I am a strong black man that is a gift to this world. We are all a gift and we must live our lives with great appreciation for who we are, not who others want us to be. I will never be a normal white American citizen, I was not born one. I have always tried to be a good citizen. I know the sacrifices that all races have made to make America great. To be great again we must all make sacrifices. I love you all, I hope you all love me.

The Man in the Mirror

We are at about to place one of the greatest artist of all time in the ground. His life was our lives. His music was our music. As this historic event takes place I am taking the liberty of stealing one of his titles and using it as my own. Hopefully I will not get sued by his estate. Especially considering I ain't got no money.
Today of all days it hit me. The man in the mirror. Like most bloggers, writers and reporters I often will pick on someone other than myself. Most of my energy is spent on other people's failures. Or the system or something like that. I realize with the Michael Jackson coverage that we all spend way too much time judging other people. So today I am looking at the man in the mirror. I read a nice article by Cheryl Hudson called "How well do you know your man" in it she pointed out an exercise that she had done where she had to describe herself in on sentence. Now I could do that, the sentence would have about five hundred words in it, but I could do it. Seriously that is really hard to do. how do I take my 40 years of trying to refine my self and put that into one sentence. That is just crazy. I am to multi-faceted for that. That is when I started to look in the mirror. A lot of what I write about is based on how I perceive reality. As we all now one's perception of reality is their reality. We may not like it, but it is the truth. Now I can look at another and say man are they messed up. However that thought is based on my own perceptions and therefore are not necessarily the truth. Now as a writer and blogger, most times my reality is the truth, that said now I am looking at my own realities and trying to narrow them into a definition of me that does not take a week to read.
So those of you who have not put this down are looking for a point. A word of wisdom. Well here it is, there is no point for others today. The point to what I am writing is to give me an idea of what will come out of my mind when I am looking in the mirror. Do I really look at how I perceive me or am I still thinking about other people's view of me. Am I looking at how I see myself or how I want others to see me. I must look at me, truthfully and honestly. We try to lie to ourselves, but I believe that we are incapable of doing that.
So what do I see in the mirror. I see a man that has come up short of HIS DREAMS. I see someone that has allowed the challenges of daily life to get the best of him. Someone that has been sidetracked into believing that this world is nothing more than the things that you have. Right now I sit at a job that I do not like doing stuff that is totally pointless to me all for the purpose of survival. But I know that I would survive if I did not come back here tomorrow. That can be freeing and it c an also cause great stress. Why would I struggle worse than I am now when I can make a few dollars and help feed my family. What the heck is the purpose of dying a slow painful death.
That is my one sentence. I want the world and myself to see me living the purpose that I was placed here for. I want all to see that I was a great dad, employee, lover friend. I want to be known as one that was always striving to make this world a better place for all that come after me. What is is that I want to say.

I AM A BETTER MAN BECAUSE GOD GAVE ME PURPOSE AND I WAS ALWAYS STRIVING TO FULFILL THAT OBLIGATION.

Don't go THERE!!

There is another blogger that I often share views with. I often make the mistake of allowing myself to be offended when he says something that I disagree with. The truth of the matter is that if I never disagree with someone or something then I am probably just being another cog in the system. Another follower of the masses. Of course to succeed in America I must follow some rules. That is part of being in any society. But that is not to say that you must blindly follow authority. This country was founded on the belief that rules are made to be broken. So here we go again. The undisputed greatest artist of all time has died. Many will say that it is just my opinion that he was the greatest, but look at the numbers when it comes to sales and such and tell me who the Real King is. A certain lighter segment of the population likes to get upset when you dis their king. Like many kings in the history this king exploited the talents of others to reach the top. Michael worked hard and people never give him the credit for that. But my rants are less about MJ vs. 'the King'. I accept the KIng of Pop as a great moniker for a great talent. No I want to know why there are some people you can't speak badly of without it being a federal case. Why are some put so high on a pedestal that they become untouchables. MJ and Elvis have one thing in common, they were imense talents that were larger than life. yet we picture the good elvis. the skinny elvis, not the fat crazy elvis. Elvis in most peoples minds was the young guy that every woman wanted. I remember that Michael Jackson. The young kid that had teenage girls going crazy. The young adult that mad hearts swoon. Yet this man is forgotten. In the early hours after his death the media was already trying to make him out as a freak. They were reminding us that he was an alledged child mollester that changed the color of his skin. They talked of all the negative things that were in his past. The tradgedy of his life. Let me get this, you are the greatest talent the world has seen. At 9 yrs old you are a superstar. you sustain that for decades. You sell more than Elvis. And you are nothing but a freak to many. Give me a f@%#ing break people. This man was and is an ICON. Our world messed up a little boy. We took away his childhood. We made him into a spectacle and we want to say good riddence to a man that spent his life giving all he had to make us feel good. He taught us how to sing and dance. He made us ALL smile wether you are willing to admit it or not. As a black man, MJ sang the songs that I grew up to. More than any artist his songs are written in my heart and soul. I wanted to be little Michael, I wanted to be thriller Michael. Yes as I got older I saw the bad side of his life, however I also saw the bad side of being to dark in American, so he tried to get light to fit in. My lighter skinned friends growing up refused to openly enjoy Michael's music. At times they even had me pushing away from him. But most of them had the thriller album in their collection, just not out in the open for the world to see.
But this is the world that we live in. This is a world where a dude can rip the top of a girl on stage and she gets all the blame. Maybe because her brother was a freak so all the family must be messed up. Or maybe the truth that no one wants to admit is that it is ok to rip the clothes off a dark woman. But i best not go there, somebody might just get offended. Well I am offended already so I am going to go there. I have a very close female friend that thinks at times I just go off on these crazy rants with no point. The point is and always has been that it ain't easy to be dark in this country. We are not that far from Jim Crow. We just have other tools that we use. I had someone say what about Farah, she died to, why all this Michael Jackson stuff. I think Farah was beautiful and her death was a loss too. But come on people, Michael Jackson entertained even Farah. We have lost the KING. He got offended when I called him a typical white boy, i could write all day and show the truth to that statement. But I digress.
Please let's all work together to remove the anger from my heart. One of my exes always asked why black men walk around with a scowl. I told her that it was just a way to scare people. The truth is that we are angry. We are dammed mad. Yes I am pissed that I live in this world that is constantly putting down my brothers even when they do good things. I have two young sons that are on the dark side, I have to make the world see more than two young Negro criminals. You think that I am a bit outrageous on this issue, but there is more truth to it than what is on the surface. i know that we have work to do. Dark people need to raise their own bar and shoot for something higher. Lighter people have to stop justifying and looking for excuses for wrongs that are being committed. We have to work together and make this a better world where at the end of a life there is more good to say than bad. It is amazing that a talent like this can come along and touch our lives and leave us and we are not all proud to say that he was here. It is not a Michael Jackson problem, it is a problem with People.

FATHER'S DAY

Many people that know me know that I am always thinking about life's meanings. They also know that I think alot about why we do and say what we do. However I guess the biggest thing with me is human interactions. I rant and rave about our systems and how they affect the way that we think and the things that we do. I spend my free time reading and writing about our society and how we can improve our selves and our world. Today though I want to talk about the thing that makes all the other stuff come out in me. Father's day is coming.This is the day that highlights so much that is going on in our society and has for years.
When I was growing up my father worked nights at a factory, not really sure what he did something in sanitation. My father is from the Bahamas, I really don't know too much about his life as a youngster. I know a lot about my mother from growing up. I never really knew my father. He was there all the time. Most times it was too much for me because then it was harder to be a kid and mess up. There was always someone looking over my shoulder and making sure that I did the right thing. My father taught me to fish and to swim. He taught me how to work(and I hated him for it). He taught me how to take responsibility for my actions. I did not see any of this as a child and when Father's day came around I gave him gifts that reflected my lack of appreciation for him. My mother got all that I could afford to give, my father got what I could find lying around. This is a pattern that we joke about, but it is the truth in our society. We give all we can to mothers because they work so hard for their children, but fathers who work just as hard get what is leftover. And we take it and are happy with it.
When my step-son had his Senior night for soccer he called out his mom and his little brother. I sat on the sidelines and watched this celebration of his achievement. At his graduation party from high school, he had family members from everywhere toasting his achievements. Each giving credit to his mom and themselves for all that was done. I sat by and watched this spectacle. There was a bit of bitterness that people that had not been to a single soccer/baseball game or play were taking credit for his hard work. I took the occasional scrap of hey the little bit that you may have played in raising this kid was a good job, and I was happy to get it because this was not my day it was his.
My birthday I received a shiny new bike, after I had made my father a really bad handmade Father's day card. I was sure that was an equal trade. Most fathers have learned to take what is given and to place the meaning over the gift. That is what we should all do in life. We swallow our pride and let others take credit for our kids. Our society now says fathers are not needed. That mothers can do it all. I love mothers, they play a vital role in raising a child, but they cant do it alone. There is so much to be done in raising healthy children of character that no person can do it alone. We may say that money is the answer. But money is not the solution, it may be a big part of the problem, but I wont go into that here.
I can go into rants about child support/visitation. I can go for hours about mothers allowing fathers to father their children. I can rant about absent fathers and that they should be locked up if they choose to be absent. There are issues that I go through each day that make it challenging for me to be unbiased on some issues related to Fatherhood in America today. But that is not why I am writing. If you have the chance get to know your Dad. Try to see him as a person and not as a bank, or school. Try to find out what he is all about. I have wanted to get all the young men in my family together to clean and repair my dad's barn. My life has distracted me from that, and also the thought that he understands that I am busy with my kids. But that is the problem. My father made me and I have to show him in real ways that I am so glad he did. I can buy a tie that he may never wear or a shirt or some socks. Tools he needs(they are buried in the barn that needs to be cleaned and organized). I will come up with something that he would like. How do I know this, I am a father and anything my kids give me, even if it is just a hug is all that I need. Please all remember your Daddy and give him all that he needs.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE DADDIES OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!

What you looking For

First let me say something that may anger some. I am going to speak about something that is not directly related to my personal situation. I am not fully single. I am not really looking for someone. So to all the haters, yes I am speaking on a subject that I am not a certified expert on. However God has blessed me with a mind, the willingness to learn and listen and to pay attention to what is going on in the world. So I shall speak on IT.
So I was out looking for a car on my local Craigslist page. As I was searching I saw the personals sections and my curiosity got the best of me. I wonder what people are looking for. I have spoken to many people men and women who say what they are looking for just is not out there. There seems to be this lack of quality mates for all. Not just a lack of good black men or women. But not enough of anyone of any race or class or social and religious beliefs. The world is empty of single people. OK so lets see. The divorce rates are up, marriages are down. although co-habitation is higher am I to believe that everyone is living with someone and not getting married. Due to the current financial state of the world there are a lot of adds for roommates from people of all sexes. There are a lot of single people moving back home with mom and dad(Huge problem for the men that think they want to date). So I guess the answer to the first question is that there are Plenty of SINGLE people out there. No people, all the good ones are not taking.
So I lost a lot of you with that last statement. Yes there are plenty of good ones out there. if you have a positive view of yourself then you will see that you are one of the good ones. Now you have had relationship issues maybe. Maybe a divorce or just a string of the 'wrong' partners. Secretly I say if you have had a string of bad ones you might want to look in the mirror BEFORE you start looking for the next one. Just make sure that the problem is not you(because we must realize that 99% of our issues are us). We don't like that. But it is true. It sounds cliche but it is the truth that most of our problems are just that OUR problems. Not problems caused by others. yes if only they did what we wanted, when we wanted then to all would be great in the world. And yes we can always find someone that agrees with us as long as we look hard enough. So now you are saying he got off on a tangent and has lost his train of thought. this I thought was about finding the perfect partner and he's yapping about looking in the mirror.
And then it hits you like a ton of bricks. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? The key word is YOU. It is not about what society says is best. Or mom and dad, sister/brother, best friend/my boyz says. It is all about YOU. Dating is less about the other person and more about us. It is our values and standards that make the decisions. How dumb is it to say that someone else has a problem if it is not a problem for them but for US. We therefore have issue with their behavior. if they had a problem with their behavior they would stop doing what they are doing. See that is the key issue to our relationship status. We are deciding one of the most important decisions in our lives and we are letting other peoples thoughts and perceptions of the ideal rule our minds. We have to look at ourselves and what we need and want from someone else and make our own decisions. If you are successful, do you need someone successful to be happy? I am not saying that you don't, but that is your choice and be damn sure that you are the one making that choice. There are so many theories on finding the right mate. There are so many opinions. And we know what they say about opinions. The thing that we might want to think about is what it is that we are truly about. We are evolving creatures and things will change, but our core values should not. And if someone does not fit with those then I don't care how FINE they are, it ain't gonna work. I believe that there are a lot of base values that will allow humans to get together. But there are so many conflicting values in our society now that it makes it hard to stay together. However it is far from impossible. It really is all about making the right choice to begin with. Men and Women hear me, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYBODY. They are who they are and if you are happy with that great, if not please move on to the next candidate. Do not waste your time or theirs. If you don't love you, wait please, YOU CANT GIVE WHAT YOU AIN'T GOT. Love of oneself is the most important thing in loving others. I am not talking about conceit or arrogance. you have to believe that you deserve the best in a person. And remember what I said before about how YOU decide who is best for you.
So as to not bring in things that do no matter I leave you with three simple things to get that mate you think does not exist.

1. Love yourself first. Know that you deserve the best that YOU want!
2. Look at yourself and see what is your match not what others say!
3. Stick to your values and beliefs and know that if you don't want someone to change you then you wont be changing someone else.
   

• BONUS: Know that God will bless you with what you need in his time.

Thank you for your time and happy hunting.

The challenge of stepping above the Drama

Often times in life we are challenged with the drama of others. People will often test our character. These people are committed to having drama in their lives. If all is good for them then they create issues. If they have everything they need then something that they want becomes so important that they stress over it. They have the need to have something to fret over. It is their way of feeling alive. But I am not writing about them. They have to contend with this issue on their own. I am talking to all of us that let some one's drama affect our lives.
I have an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend that I have children with. I can hear the laughs and that poor sucker's raining in your minds. Yes it is a challenge each day. When you are attempting to be a good father to your children it is very difficult when they live with someone else. There is a thin line between trying to stay out of their business and trying to ensure that your kids are being raised with the values that you want them to live by. More often than not issues over the kids are simply a disagreement over some simple idea or concept. However the underlying anger and frustration that goes along with the loss of a relationship often rears it's ugly head and makes the simple very personal and more complex. So how do we keep it simple. well the best bet is to have God and prayer in your life. It is best to get right with God and thus with yourself. Christian principles go a long way to help you in dealing with others. They help you to have empathy for an other's position. If you have that it will make a lot of your interactions with others easier. Then you will be able to see things from their perspective. i am not saying that you will agree with them, but if you can at least see their point of view then it will be easier for you to deal with them. Now of course this will not solve the interactions that I am speaking of today. Those interactions are with the totally unreasonable person.
why do some people seem to be totally unreasonable? There are to major factors that can contribute to this situation. One is that you are being unreasonable. Maybe you are asking for way too much from this person. What often seems simple to us is often not as it appears. Until we are truly aware of our values and ideas that drive our behavior we can never say that we are not the one that is unreasonable. Once again I say that prayer and contemplation help greatly with this. i do not pray enough and often realize that I am being unreasonable. I then have to ask God for forgiveness and help in being a better Man.
So here is the scenario. you have an event to attend for your child. Your former partner has decided that she is going to attend with her new partner. You have felt uncomfortable with this. What do you do? In the past I have avoided this situation. I did not feel comfortable with myself and the relationship so I would stay away from kids. Wrong answer. If I am trying to be a good father then I have to show my children that they are more important than how I feel about their mother's relationship status. I have to show them that I can put aside my differences with their mom and do what is best for them. If I can't do that then I am more concerned with her than i am with them. So I have to Man up.
The key to ignoring others drama is to look at what it is that drives you. You have to focus on yourself and what is important in your life. A lot of men are only good fathers or husbands because that is what they think others want them to be. The true sign of being a Man is to live YOUR VALUES and BELIEFS and stand for those things. You may not always be right(if you are take a second look), but you will always follow your own principles. The truth in life is that the DRAMA of others only affects us if we allow it to. That principle applies to jealousy and anger and so many other issues that we have in our lives. If we have a solid foundation of what we believe then we will never have to worry about the moods and attitudes of others. We will naturally know how to deal with them. We must aspire each day to continue to nurture our beliefs and values so that they are not lost in the turmoil of present day life. DO YOU.

Step Up and be a REAL Dad

So I have been educating myself a bit and decided to change my focus.
I have had a narrow view of the world based on my own personal experiences.
Well now is the time to look at a much larger picture.
I am a full-time dad who only has his kids part-time. what does that mean?
It means that at some point in life their mothers and myself became incompatible.
For me this has nothing to do with them. I still love my kids the same today as I did before.
For many that should not need to be said. But I am a realist and I know that there are a lot of men that do not feel the same. This is not for them. That will be discussed later. Men that are there for the mother first I will deal with you in the near future. those men should sit back and listen to what I am saying to the real fathers.

So we have split from mom. We are paying our support and doing all that we can to spend time with our kids.
Let us not get caught up in the Game. It is not about outdoing the other parent. It is not a Game.
We are responsible for raising healthy children. We have an obligation to take this blessing of fatherhood and to teach our children morals and values and how to function in this world.
The challenge is great when you live with mom, it is daunting when you do not.
But we have the duty to not give up until we breathe our last breath.

My father was at home when I grew up. He taught me to swim and to fish and to work.
He disciplined me when I went down the wrong path. He may not have said a lot when I went the right way but he let me know it in many ways. My father worked at night so I was lucky. He was there a lot when I was young. Don't get it twisted, at the time I thought that this was a horrible thing. no chance of getting away with anything if both your parents are at home most of the time. But the opportunity to learn from my father was always there. It is the foundation of what I speak of right now.

So what must we do? We must work towards changing the selfish children that we have. We must be the rock that says no you can not have every new game. Does that make us the bad guy? Maybe today. But the hope is that our sons and daughters learn to value things and realize that life is not just handed to you.
Look at yourself. Look at the values you are teaching you children. Are they seeing that ddad is the guy that does not respect mom? If so realize that you are teaching your sons to not respect women and your daughter that men treat women badly. This can be a great challenge. especially when we think that mom aint doing right. But we as men have to hold ourselves to a higher standard. It is Our responsibility to show our kids right and wrong no matter what.
Just because mom drives a BMW does not mean that she is throwing away your support money. That is mom choice and she will have to answer for that. It is your responsibility to contribute to the financial welfare of the children you sired. Does it suck that you drive a hooptie and she is rolling in the Benz. Only if material possessions is a priority to you. A Mercedes does not make you a better dad. Sure the kids think it is cool. Sure they will want to be seen in it. But if you are a caring, loving father and treat them well and teach them values then it will not matter if you have to pick them up on the bus. They will want to be with you.
Kids want love, they need discipline. These things come from loving committed fathers. We know that with no discipline there is chaos. Look at our society. What is it that the kids with no dad lack. It is not love, they got that from mom. It is discipline. That is what we fathers are assigned to do. It is not our only duty. But it is an important part of what we have to do.

So what do we need to do Dads? We need to remember that no matter what we are FULL-TIME parents. The way we conduct our lives is an example to our kids. The things that we do is an example to our kids. We have to stop complaining that we are screwed by the courts or by mom. It may be the case but we must stand up as men and demand our place in our kids lives. If you act like a sperm donor you will be treated as one. If you want to be a dad then be one. A real Dad will let no one stand in the way of raising his children.
There is no greater gift than being given the Responsibility of being a parent. Men do not waste your gift. God has allowed you a chance to mold a life. Remember that each action has an affect on your child. Every little thing counts.
And as a final note of reflection. If you spend your time away from your kids complaining to the world about the courts, or mom or whatever, it will seep into how you treat your kids. Respect the efforts of Mom even if you do not agree with them. It is not a competition. You both have a duty to perform and must perform it to the best of your ability. Don't waste your time on mom. You have way too much work to do yourself to worry about what she is doing. I have failed on this in the past and I ask God to help me with it now.

We must strive to be our best. We owe this to our children.